Hi...it would be great to hear from several of you about your ideas on helping Mom and Dad agree to a few safety changes....I will copy and paste the e-mail exchanges of the last few days to here....let me know what problems you are having with the blog so maybe Steve or I can help. Thanks...More later....
Oh, here is the e-mail I received from Dr. Orsingers today after his visit to Mom and Dad's...I hope he keeps it up and I e-mailed him back to say thanks and visit again!!! He is a very nice man whom Mom and Dad have talked a lot about for many many years. He is 87. Has a home near that junior high school off Williamsburg blvd. you know, Bonnie you read his wife's book:
"From: ViNevi@aol.com
Date: 2/13/2009 1:46:41 PM
To: spunar@sprynet.com
Subject: Visit to your folks
It was a spur of the moment to drop in on them. I guess from my Boy Scout Days "Do a good turn daily." I think we three enjoyed it. Being a MAC guy for many years, I hope I opened a few more doors for him to enjoy what his machine can do. You might try http://www.orsinger.net/billviola/ if I hadn't given you that one. The Orsinger site is temporarily down, but enjoy the Italian part. Both your parents understood when I spoke in Italian. The first thing dad asked me was about my cleaning lady. I'm mailing them that today. I'm waiting for a first proof of your stories. There are several other good book too. The main thing is to WRITE, right now. You can edit later. Bill Orsingers"
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Here is the e-mail exchange between Steve, Celeste and I....you all received the safety/fall information, right?
"From: ToniAnn Spunar
Date: 2/13/2009 3:14:33 PM
To: Celeste Roy
Subject: Re: Fw: The Risks of Falls
Cis..I totally agree...but yes, we(Steve and I many times) have discussed a second railing, a grab bar at the top of the steps; dad has been unbalanced on the steps for a long time...This was a main topic when I stayed there for a couple of weeks 2 years ago when he was sick. He absolutely refused to listen to me or the rehab folks though he did agree on the railing in the den bathroom and outside the kitchen door. He talks about how unsteady he is all the time.....I agree, his luck or angel protection is going to wane. He didn't tell me he had stuff in his hands...which means, he probably wasn't holding on at all , even to one railing. They don't recognize or are denying the many opportunities for a crisis. Oh, Cis, I have discussed these things so often with them....apparently their knowledge has little to do with their behavior....we will talk more...love you. I see Dad changing ever so slightly...he told me he talked with Mom about the Buckley group. And the accountant lady came over and took all the financial stuff to work on. Now they are bickering about soft or rough sheets. Remind me to tell you about that one. And Happy Valentines to you and all of you...Toni
From: Celeste Roy
Date: 2/13/2009 1:46:04 PM
To: ToniAnn Spunar
Cc: Steve Cifala; Bonnie Mc-Cifala; johnsuneil@hotmail.com; laurenbabe@aol.com
Subject: Re: Fw: The Risks of Falls
Hi All ~ Tried to use the Blog but no time to figure out what happened to my way in to comment. Anyway, I think the time for strong encouragement on extra railings and an alert system are here. We can no longer worry about whether they'll like it or not. They are both in danger. If Dad had gone down the steps along with the stuff he was carrying (that is what he told me, all the things he was carrying went down) he would be gone. He has some pretty powerful angels but.......Steve have you spoken to them about a railing?? I'm going to call now and see if I can get this conversation started. They are such smart people urgh....why can't they see this. Love you, Happy Valentine's Day. Celeste
On Fri, Feb 13, 2009 at 9:14 AM, ToniAnn Spunar <spunar@sprynet.com> wrote:
Thanks Steve...good review....and certainly supports of we've been thinking...the lifeline thing is also a good idea, though doubtful would be welcomed by Dad or Mom..I loved mine..felt so secure....thanks again...
bye for now....
Friday, February 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Another....safety issues....
Hi all. Steve and I just talked. Steve will probably check out the possibility of putting up another railing on other side of upstairs steps and some type of grab bar at the top of the steps. Mom and Dad declined this before, but we'll see. And Steve, I'm sorry about the plumbing thing. Would have encouraged Dad to call you if i had known he had already discussed with you. Also wanted to let everyone know that Dad continues with issues with atrial fibrillation...and pacemaker and medication to manage the atrial fibrillation...he is considering his options, though there has been a recent "tweek" of the new battery in the pacemaker (proceedure he had done in December.) Perhaps the slight change in the pacemaker will make a difference. I'm sure he'll get around to talking with everyone about it...I'll let you know if any changes....So send those positive vibes to their house for the accountant and Mom and Dad tomorrow....back soon...love you, Toni
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
saftey
Hi Toni,
Not sure how to make the house any safer. Bottom line is that they both need to be more aware of their surroundings. Dad needs to be coaxed into using his cane. Even in the house.
Maybe another railing & grab bars @ the top of the stairs.
Good talk last night Toni. Sounds like Dad is responding to your suggestions & ideas.
Ciao...Steve
Not sure how to make the house any safer. Bottom line is that they both need to be more aware of their surroundings. Dad needs to be coaxed into using his cane. Even in the house.
Maybe another railing & grab bars @ the top of the stairs.
Good talk last night Toni. Sounds like Dad is responding to your suggestions & ideas.
Ciao...Steve
More Thoughts
Hi..thanks Steve...Decided I'd do a new post so that it wouldn't be missed in a comment section. I knew about the fall...and the other one....I have reviewed, discussed all the safety issues...asked him why in the world he walked upstairs in the dark?...I spoke with Mom who said, "He'll never go upstairs ahead of me again." (She was in the kitchen.) What stopped him was the wall, I think....he fell into part of it. He does seem concerned about having gotten hurt...actually, I think the other fall had to do with the room being dark also. I'll go over that with him again. What can we do? I've discussed those steps, falling, etc. for years...I have spoken with him every day....Bob went over on Sunday and did part of a plumbing job with him. Bob had some things to do to finish the job and will. I was planning on going over there this week, but Dad seemed to have too much on his mind. Tomorrow, the accountant assistant is coming over. He asked me to talk with Mom today to try and help her understand his move on this. She did OK with me. Basically, I tried to have her see it as "doing something for Dad." "Because we all know he is unable to help you with this money stuff and he feels badly about that." Which is true...We talked about how he and all of us wish she could do all that she used to, but we all change and may have trouble doing things we used to do. So.....what are your ideas to have them be more safe?
He's talking about going to OC this weekend. He is not telling me for sure at this point. soooo...I am very grateful Mimi was able to give him a massage today. I figured he would tell her about the fall....He eventually tells all of us what happens to him. I still will try to go and see him on Thurs. or Fri...he and I both decided that my being there with the accountant tomorrow, may have Mom feeling more overwhelmed with pressure. I deeply wish we had more control over all of this...but they are still (and want to be) in control. I have found that when talking with either one of them, I find the opportunity to voice my opinions in the context of their conversation...I believe they will come around...maybe if this finance person is helpful, they will consider other help. Dad DID ask for a few phone numbers....hasn't done anything with them yet. In my work through the years, I discovered that "change was usually measured in small sucessess". I know that things are moving more quickly for them now....I am on "their pulses" just about every second...believe me, and watching them closely, as I pray that they find their way. I may not be in their home, but I know what they've bought at the store, know what the doctors say, know what they are doing just about every day, talk with them about their worries and frustrations....and their hesitancy to do anything differently. This is a BIG step for Dad to have this woman accountant come into their home, pretty much against Mom's wishes, worrying about what it "may do to her to take this away from her???" I coached him to try and find, with the woman, something that Mom could do....This is BIG....I hope he actually goes through with it....Mom seemed like she would give it a try. I just kept telling her that we all love her....want her to feel more at ease....so...that's it. I am going to try and call Steve now....more tomorrow. It certainly did seem to increase their attentiveness to themselves to have frequent calls...love you
He's talking about going to OC this weekend. He is not telling me for sure at this point. soooo...I am very grateful Mimi was able to give him a massage today. I figured he would tell her about the fall....He eventually tells all of us what happens to him. I still will try to go and see him on Thurs. or Fri...he and I both decided that my being there with the accountant tomorrow, may have Mom feeling more overwhelmed with pressure. I deeply wish we had more control over all of this...but they are still (and want to be) in control. I have found that when talking with either one of them, I find the opportunity to voice my opinions in the context of their conversation...I believe they will come around...maybe if this finance person is helpful, they will consider other help. Dad DID ask for a few phone numbers....hasn't done anything with them yet. In my work through the years, I discovered that "change was usually measured in small sucessess". I know that things are moving more quickly for them now....I am on "their pulses" just about every second...believe me, and watching them closely, as I pray that they find their way. I may not be in their home, but I know what they've bought at the store, know what the doctors say, know what they are doing just about every day, talk with them about their worries and frustrations....and their hesitancy to do anything differently. This is a BIG step for Dad to have this woman accountant come into their home, pretty much against Mom's wishes, worrying about what it "may do to her to take this away from her???" I coached him to try and find, with the woman, something that Mom could do....This is BIG....I hope he actually goes through with it....Mom seemed like she would give it a try. I just kept telling her that we all love her....want her to feel more at ease....so...that's it. I am going to try and call Steve now....more tomorrow. It certainly did seem to increase their attentiveness to themselves to have frequent calls...love you
Falling
Hey Everyone,
Mimi called me today & said Dad called her to come over to work on his back.
He told her he was going up the stairs & when he got to the top he made his move to head left towards the bedroom, and said his feet didn't seem to move & he fell backwards almost falling down the stairs. He wasn't very clear to Mimi how he fell & how he stopped himself.
He also told her he fell not to long ago on the back porch. Claims Mom left the small stool out close to the couch. He said he landed on the couch. So.... sounds like a close call.
I guess its time to make more contact with them. Like all of us calling once a day.
Lets put our heads together & make a move. Ciao....Steve
Mimi called me today & said Dad called her to come over to work on his back.
He told her he was going up the stairs & when he got to the top he made his move to head left towards the bedroom, and said his feet didn't seem to move & he fell backwards almost falling down the stairs. He wasn't very clear to Mimi how he fell & how he stopped himself.
He also told her he fell not to long ago on the back porch. Claims Mom left the small stool out close to the couch. He said he landed on the couch. So.... sounds like a close call.
I guess its time to make more contact with them. Like all of us calling once a day.
Lets put our heads together & make a move. Ciao....Steve
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Been a few days!
Hi all. Things are unchanged, though Dad and Mom are better as far as their colds, congestion, coughs, etc. Mom is still trying so hard to get the taxes arranged. Apparently she (this may be old news?) dropped a batch of important papers all over the den floor....difficult now to get back in to order...besides all the other things she does routinely...or sadly, used to do. Dad has said he is having an assistant to the accountant they use come over this week one day to "give us an idea of how we can simplify this process". Dad is concerned as to whether it is the "right thing to do for Mom?" I suggested, which I think he had already thought of, that the lady make sure she give Mom some things to do, so that she would not feel left out...if she wants, of course. Maybe (I sincerely doubt it) Mom will be relieved....anyway, I'm sure Dad will talk about it. But I will let you know. He has not called Buckley's or the driver, though he asked for the phone numbers. I have not asked about it. Bob is doing some plumbing with Dad...fixed the toilet and one sink yesterday. Since it was decided to do this at the last minute I already had some plans, and thought perhaps things would go more smoothly if I weren't there. (Ha..this was one time, Dad hoped Mom would stay in the den, so that he and Bob could get the "dirty" work done.) I will really try to go over there for a short visit this week one day. That's all for this moment. I'll try to get back later. Love you, Toni
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