Hey Toni, John, Mike and Steve (any updates on JoAnn getting on the computer) --
My visit last week to see Mom and Dad was so great. I got in on Sunday before the snow. We watched an Illinois vs. Michigan State basketball game as the snow started to fall. Dad opened all the shutters and turned all the lights on. He such a romantic. We had a simple ham sandwich and soup dinner. Mom wasn't feeling good that day. She was all ready to go to church and told Dad she couldn't go. Monday she was REALLY sick. She never got out of bed, sick to her stomach and dizzy. Seems like the Aricept patch (they tried to switch from the pill form to see if it would relieve her leg cramps) was making her sick. Steve Turner came by and shoveled all the snow. Tuesday she was a little better. We actually were able to pick out new curtains for the den and I went to Target with Dad to buy a new phone for the kitchen. These were things he mentioned to me that keep him awake at night ***so I decided to pursue getting them taken care of. I can't wait till the curtains arrive to see if Mom still likes them or remembers we ordered them. I drove with Dad (and survived). He is pretty "lazy" behind the wheel. He doesn't stop at STOP signs. I gave him grief and told him if he were one of my son's driving like that he'd be in deep dodo. He's working on it. We had a lot of great conversations. He is stressed about a lot of things and of course worried about Mom. They have piles of "work", very well organized, but a lot to handle. Mom is not cooking very much. She did cook the cordon bleu for our family gathering.
It was great visiting with everyone on Thursday. And our meeting in the den was good. Toni, Steve, Dana, Mimi and I got to talk about the future. Toni, I know it will be a huge sacrifice on your part****, but thank you for agreeing to be with them if anything drastic happens. Have you told Mom and Dad that is your plan? It might relieve some of their fears. We also discussed weekly visits by one of the three VA/WVA camps. If you guys could work out some kind of rotation I think it would be especially good for Mom since she is not going out of the house much. I know this week Mom is having her cateract surgery on Thursday and Toni and Mimi are planning to be with them. THANKS !!!
Well I could write volumes but I won't. The main thing I heard from Dad is that he wants to be able to be with Mom, no matter what. He still has his money on an Asby Pond place. All the bigger places are taken but he told me he wouldn't want a big one now. I suggested he not give up on that option. Mom has definitely changed in the last year in terms of her memory and functioning. If she keeps on this course he will not be able to care for her by himself. He also mentioned live in help. Don't know if that would work. He fell twice in the last month and that has me very worried. He's walking up the steps in the morning with a hot pot of coffee, Urgh......
So I spoke to two people at Asby Pond today. I was concerned that that location didn't have the Renaissance Garden facility componant yet. That is their Extended Care place if folks get really needy. They are building one and it will be done by 2011. But the girl (Jill Mendoza) told me there is 24 hour Home Health Support, so they could probably stay together in the apt. for a long time. I also spoke to Dana (no last name) about space availability. The next size apartment down from the biggest apt. (Stratford) is available now. She cautioned not waiting too long. In the event that one of them, or both, are really in need of constant care they might not take them. If they are already living there they have to care for them.
Dad told me when he dropped me off at the train that he is the one that needs to come up with the plan. He hasn't defined what the plan is yet, but I think he knows he needs one pretty soon. I know it will have to be their decision about they do but I sure wish they would make this move so they can enjoy it together. And all the stress of all the "things" in and around that house will be out of the picture. I hope this makes sense. Its been a long day and I'm fading fast. I love you all. Good night. Celeste
I will go back to my note...I think I'll just comment below...anyone else can just click on the "comment" thing and write their response to this....try it. otherwise, just e-mail me with your thoughts and I'll post. Oh, I added a few stars in Celeste's notes as markers for me to respond to. Hope this all helps. Toni
Not sure where to start..I'll just jump in. Thanks Cis for your note. You experienced a quick very good "snap shot" of what Mom and Dad have been doing for awhile. Thank you for all your "work" in getting them through a few things. When I left on Friday, the curtains had arrived...Mom pretty much remembered, not very pleased with them...we didn't have time due to the event in afternoon to try them out, but I laid them on the couch and fluffed them up to look nice...but said she would wash, iron and hang them...she was able to have a good conversation with the nurse at the surgical center..Dad "let" her talk and she did fine. She was able to process, line by the line the several forms she received from the doctor about the proceedure. You know, Dad has used that expression about "things keeping him up at night"...the importance or relevance seems to come and go, as it does with all of us, I guess...ask her about the curtains, Celeste...see what she says....and to stay with them in a "drastic" situation, i've never considered anything else. If not me, Steve, the Turners, or the Sullivans would be right there. I haven't told them because I'd like them to bring it up, if they could define it. We here will work something out...though may not be a strict rotation. I would not be able to be positioned in a set manner for a lot of reasons. We are all doing our very best..I personally would like more input from Mom and Dad...so they can better "own" this situation. I apologize if some of my professional experience and awareness may seem a bit detached sometimes. I feel strongly that I not "parent" them. And I certainly don't have all the answers. The surgery thing is set up....have to confirm everything with Dad...again, I want Dad to experience that he is quite capable of making a plan, getting the help he needs, and following through with it. And if he is able to include Mom in the plan, so much for the better. She does become more anxious and angry if she thinks Dad is doing things "behind her back." On Friday, I told her that he was worried that she wasn't going to go with him to the DO event. She first said, "oh, he doesn't believe me!" And I told her no, that he thought perhaps she'd change her mind, or not feel well. She said, well, I'd better get upstairs and get going! I talked more about the Ashby Ponds thing with him and he said he didn't have time to check it out..though he thought he had missed a few events there. He was pulling away about it...so I let it go at the time.I have looked at a few life alert things and spoke with someone today. would cost them about $35 dollars a month, plus another one time of $35 for an extra pendent, and they can't really guarenttee that the "voice receiver" which is connected through the phone system would work in such a big house..May need 2 receivers? (another monthly charge) I'll bring it up again at some point. All the systems are about the same. They should not have to have a long term contract...should be able to be month to month. My wish is that they would talk with a professional about their issues and get some guidance. I am tired...quite late now. I'll put my comment in. Hope you all do one too. So we can see each others' thoughts....Thanks Celeste for all your work, love, visit, and thoughts...love you, toni
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