Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Just a quick note
Hi all. My computer is shot! Ihave a new iphone type of cell phone, but it is tedious to try to send things back and forth, so I am quickly using Bob's computer. (I will smell like smoke when I leave the area! oh well) Dad and Mom are having lots of house maintance issues...they just don't seem to stop and Dad is adamant to keep up after all of them...I mentioned I had been to Ashby Ponds. And that there was a gathering there this Thurs. He quickly said he had exercise, that "they have my number" when I told him they had said he could call to go and talk with them, how nice they were, how beautiful the place is, etc. He dismissed me quickly....and also said he is prepared to drive to OC on Easter if Jo and Fred or I can't get him home when he wants to be home! Jo and Fred and I will work something out, but he did not flinch when I questioned his being able to drive to OC as he "hadn't been there for awhile." He says his "angels get me there and besides that Mom's eye is good now!" Oh, he tried to make a joke out of it..he sounds so confident. That's all...comments and thoughts welcome....Love you...Great talking with you Bonnie and Mike...always a great time. Toni
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Hey Toni, A new computor about 10X's better than your trusty old one can be had for about 650 with tax.
ReplyDeleteI liked what Bonnie had to say...what would the expense of a live in be like in comparison to trading 27th Street for Ashby Ponds?
Gotta go...I'm sad that Joey slipped away from us. Gotta write to Uncle Joe and Aunt Mary Ellan....They must be feeling pretty trashed about it all. John
Thanks John...bought a Mac laptop and they tend to be a bit more expensive. But I need to keep my feet elevated, as I spend a lot of time with the computer. A live in? At this point, to be honest, and I may be wrong, but the money is not the issue...the cost probably would be somewhat equal..but they wouldn't have the house burdens that they are suffering now if they moved. As I said in another note, I think it's more "Risk vs risk" or "sad choice vs sad choice." Celeste has said so well, that it would seem if they "traded" in all the anxiety, worry and basic hard work for a quiet, social, interactive, and comfortable place (with Mom and Dad being more able to concentrate on each other) that whatever they went through to move would be worth it. Unfortunately, they are not seeing that. (Or maybe they are where they need to be?) Who knows? Better go. I will give Uncle Joe and Aunt ME a hug for you all. And today is Uncle Joe's 80th birthday! love you and thanks for your note. Toni
ReplyDeleteNote from Bonnie:
ReplyDeleteSpring never arrived here, not yet at least. 4 inches of new snow this morning and about 25 degrees. Not even the sunshine we were so blessed with most of Jan., Feb., and Mar. !!!!!!!!!!!
Michael and I are SO SAD to hear about Joey. Michael is writing a hand-written letter to Aunt Mary Ellen and Uncle Joe right now, as we don't believe Uncle Joe changed his mind about not wanting a computer. Does anyone know what kind of drug he OD'd on? I will pray for some peace of mind for them.
Congratulations, Toni, on your new Mac! I read several years ago a big article in TIME mag about the "best" computers. They concluded that Macs were the best in all of their "experts" opinion.(That is why Dad ended up with a Mac).
Now you can talk Macs with Dr. Orsinger! Ha,ha!
Well, here is my 2 cents about Mom and Dad and their "house maintenance" issues. I think that those problems and challenges are what is keeping them going! I think that if they did get to the retirement center, they may not live much longer after that, because they would have no challenges, no problems to solve. Maybe they don't want to "just have fun". Your mom remarked to me several years ago that it gets harder to keep loving each other, the older one gets. (At least, she was speaking for herself). She told me when I left, at that visit in 2005, to "keep loving each other".
Squabbling can be what keeps some couples going!
So I don't know if they would LIKE that retirement center! From Dad's last exchange with you, Toni, about it, it sounds like he is trying to tell you that he is just NOT interested in going there. One thing I have learned about Dad this past year, he speaks in "hints". One has to learn how to read between the lines with him. He is constantly complaining about his house maintenance; I think he is trying to tell us he needs help with keeping up the house! But he does not want to move!
And Toni, thanks for filling me in about his male friends who were not related to him. Maybe a relative is not the best idea, but it does need to be a male! To "live" with Mom and Dad. It seems like it would need to be someone he knows too though!
Plus, those stairs are dangerous, yes, but Dad and I both feel that that is why he is still walking around and NOT in a wheelchsir or using a walker. That stair-climbing is so beneficial for them! And Mom knows that keeping active every day is helping her. When my own Mom stopped doing her housework, her Alzheimers got much worse. Your mom told me that she feels that she is doing as well as she is doing because she makes a point to try and stay active and busy every day. And this is like looking at the glass half-full or looking at it half-empty! Yes, she has deteriorated considerably in the past year, according to Celeste and Toni, but after hearing Dad's comments on the phone last year to Michael and I about Mom, I was AMAZED and so happy that she was doing as well as she was doing when I saw her at Christmas. I expected her to not be able to cook or do much of anything but sit around. Boy was I wrong! She cooked dinner every night we were there, except Christmas Eve and Christmas and the night after the brunch for Steve. And I asked her to make her salad dressing every night, even the nights that I made the salad. She rose to the occasion! She seems to really do better when we ask her to do something, or help us, or ask her for advice or ask her about past memories. She needs to be needed! I think she lost interest in cooking especially when Dad couldn't taste ANYTHING for so long! Hey, does anybody know if Dad is tasting any better? I know just a few years ago, she mentioned to Michael that she was trying to cook all of Dad's favorite meals when Dad seemed to be bored and lonely.
So here we are. Not knowing what to do about Mom and Dad! Put White Light around them and visualize them being safe and well. What else can we do? Forcing someone to leave their home, in my eyes, would only incur bad karma that one would have to deal with in their next life with them. I don't feel that that is a good idea. All we can do is love them, and have FAITH that the Divine will take care of them and take them in a way where they will not have to suffer. God Bless them! they have raised some fantastic kids!
They did an awesome job in their own way!
Bonnie..I hear all that you are saying. I totally agree "they raised some wonderful persons"....no question about that....But I tend to see both sides of the picture. I am very sleepy now. Just came in to Bob's office to check out some messages from everyone. And I can write more soon. But, did want to say that Mom did not cook when Celeste was visiting and did not cook when I spent a few days with them. Doesn't mean anything really except maybe they had a bit more adreneline pumping when you and Mike were there, as they were so very excited to see you guys. I don't know. And none of us will "have them" do anything they don't want to do. And I agree that Dad speaks through his hints, but that is a very poor and ineffective way to get his needs met. I have tried for over 10 years, I bet, to provide opportunities for them to ask me for something. Obviously, my attempts aren't working too well. Well, just some immediate thoughts. I acknowledge that all 6 of us (plus our spouses) are seeing Mom and Dad with different "eyes" and from different positions and histories. Every now and then I have been able to step back and think how very lucky I am to have them with me...to be struggling with them and "against" them (feels like it sometimes) ...to be learning and growing with them. There aren't many 60+ years olds that are so very blessed and pooped out at the same time. Oh, they cause me much grief and worry....how could they not? But I've said for years now that there will be a "crisis"...and we will all have to respond to the best we can. And it won't be easy. And I am speaking reality...I am trying my best to accept that. Night..better get a few hours sleep...love you and thanks for your insights, blessings and wisdom. Love, Toni
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